GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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