I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize