Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wear drunk well.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
