remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
