he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
