My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it glows. i had to have it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
