wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just tell him i said nine months
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
