its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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