I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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