if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
