with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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