Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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