Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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