dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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