I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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