You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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