Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dicks are not precious.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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