So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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