hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
