I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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