i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Damn victory sex feels great
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
