September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
