HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My nipple is on Facebook.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
