This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
