I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
