Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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