Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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