So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
