just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
