He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
