My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
