I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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