wrigley field is MILF paradise
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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