Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
