smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
