can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize