shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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