the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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