Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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