just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
