My room smells like vodka and shame
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
me + whiskey = a bad person
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
