My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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