I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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