Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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