I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
