Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
