Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
