Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
