Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
