you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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