I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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