just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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