god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
