I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
