She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
