I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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