What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
