I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
