Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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