the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
