so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
