Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize