I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
