i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
