i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
