The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
