Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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