Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
