My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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