sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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