I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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