I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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