I want to make a zoo with you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
