Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Duck Duck Cougar?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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