hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
