what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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