then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You are the jesus of drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize