i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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