Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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