found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
