tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
