# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
