I wish I only lived at night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
