So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize