my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
