my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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