I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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