so that wasnt chicken after all
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
