i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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