Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize