Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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