Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
