I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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