So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
