I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sobbing to NWA
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize