i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
