There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ruined the universe
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
