either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
