You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How's work?
Spinning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
