I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
