I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
