she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
